Looking for a Better place to pitch my tent

I'm looking for an alternative living arrangement, I was switched at birth and currently reside in the wrong Calgary in Canada

Because my fake friends robbed me, the vet I stay with won't let me have people over & my cat was eaten by coyotes, this place is no longer my home.

I'm looking for an alternative to escorting. I can do clothing alterations, leather work, auto detail, Cook and clean house. I want you to save mea by making me your wife and letting me tell jokes to Tony Hinchcliffe.